What is it that got you feeling stuck? Are you trying to get ahead, but it feels like you’re not moving? What’s stopping you from buying that new car, or that brand new house? Why haven’t you stopped into your boss office to request that pay increase that you deserve? There are some many reasons why we fail to take the next step and grab a hold of what is intrinsically ours? What happens when you think about reaching further? Do you feel anxious or overwhelmed? How about when you think about confronting that issue that got you feeling bound, do you experience similar emotions? Many of us will remain in unhealthy relationships and stay on a job where we are not growing, because of this internal emotion called, Fear.
Fear can be a very debilitating emotion. It is one of the feelings that can immobilize you if you allow it to. What produces fear, is when you don’t know what to expect, or when you don’t have a clear understanding how your life might change as a result of stepping over, onto the other side of your situation. Fear is one of those emotions we often feel, but never discuss. Stressful situations tend to generate fear within us. It is the stressful event, which is also known as the “triggering event” that causes the brain to respond, sometimes, in negative manner. The stressful event sends a signal to your brain, telling you, that what’s happening outside of you is not good. That stress then, translates into something you’ll feel or experience.
When stress comes upon you, you may feel it throughout your body. You might experience physiological responses such as the releasing of chemicals that can cause your heart to start racing, palms grow sweaty, Knees get jittery, head starts throbbing, the rate of your breathing increases, or your muscles are energized, just to name a few. These physiological changes can be extremely un-easy for some, because it may take you into a very unfamiliar place, emotionally speaking. Whatever you do, don’t avoid what you are feeling, or experiencing by shutting, instead learn effective ways to manage the stressors that are a part of your life.
So how do you deal with the negative side of this emotion, called fear? You live! Fear happens when you refuse to live your life as it happens. Fear lives in the very thoughts that you tell yourself. So stop telling yourself negative things and spending all your time worrying about what’s going to happen next. When you do this, it suggests that you are planning to living for what hasn’t even occurred yet. As you know, with everything, there are good and bad, healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with situations that occurs in your life. Knowing what you can control vs. what you can’t control is one way to manage your fears. You will come upon things in life that you have no control over, and there’s not much you can do about it. But, when it’s a situation that you can control, set your mind to make a change, do something different; reach for what you ordinarily wouldn’t reach for. If you do nothing, you will feel defeated. That defeat will then be replaced by fear which will paralyze you and keep you achieving your goals in life. So, why stress over the thought of, “What hasn’t happened yet?”
As I bring this to a close, I want you to ask yourself this question, “Do you want to experience living life, or avoid living life? If you answer experience living life, then you must extinguish fear. Don’t let the thought of what could happen, paralyzing you from the experiences of what is happening, right in the “here and now.” You’re experiences whether good or bad, are meant to develop you and build character in you. You will experience the beauty of life, when you allow yourself to live the life you have been destined to live. Your experiences will only be negative, if you accept it as such. Even when things don’t turn out the way you hoped they would, you can always walk away from that experience with new information and a different understanding on life.
So, I leave you with this, you can plan for tomorrow, but you can’t live tomorrow, today. So, stop planning to prevent what might happen, and start preparing to live what is happening “Here and Now.” There is no real security with living life. So instead of living to prevent, prepare to live. Leave Fear behind.
Having a role model, while going through life changes is one strategy that can be used to assist you with achieving your goals in life. Having someone that you can look to, is almost like having a blue print or a roadmap of which way you should go. Role models can serve as a vision, or focal point. Being able to see what someone other than your self has gone through, and what they have accomplished in life, in spite of their trials, can be awe inspiring. Choosing a role model is not about trying to be like someone else, but it more so serve as a means of achieving something in life that you desire to have or someone that you strive to become in life.
It’s nice when you can see what the outcome of what you want to achieve, might look like. There are many people in this world that have gone through life trials, and found their way out of it. They made it out because they’ve made the choice not to stay stuck in their mess. They decided to do something different. I’d venture to say that not only did these people make it up on their mind that they want something better, but they were able to vision how their lives might play out through the life of someone else.
So what is a role model? A role model is a person whose actions, way of living, or success in life, is or can be modeled by others. A role model is someone who other individuals aspire to be like, either in the present or in the future. Having a role model is important as having a role model can help you become the person you want to be, and inspire you to make a difference in life. So how do you choose a role model:
If you were sick, would you see a doctor? How about, if you had a tooth ache, would you go see a dentist? What if your hair was a wreck and you needed to have a conditioning treatment, would you see a cosmetologist or barber? Here’s another one for you, what if there was a dinner party you’ve been invited to and you wanted to look and feel your best, would you seek an opinion from someone you love concerning how you look? I’m assuming that most of us would answer yes to these questions. Almost everyone want to feel good and look their best. Most people will try anything possible to beautify their outward appearance, but won’t take time out to make sure our their insides are feeling good as well.
People don’t like to talk about how they are feeling. Most of this is because they struggle with being able to express how they feel, and find it easier to express what they thinking instead of what they’re feeling. Take for example: If you ask your friend how does he feel about going to the dinner party, he’s more than likely to respond by giving you his thought, as opposed to his feeling. He might respond by saying, “I think it will be fun, so I am going to attend.” Well, thinking and feeling are two different things. Because I’m interested in knowing how he feels, a more appropriate response might be something like this, “I’m excited about going to the party. I can’t wait to attend.” Notice the word, “excited” which expresses a feeling. When we can’t find the right word to express how we feel, we tend to explain it away with our thoughts. We do this often because we’ve been socialised to believe that talking about how we feel is a sign of weakness. Showing weakness is one of the many reason why people avoid seeking therapy. There is an irrational belief that if you seek out therapy then that means, that you’re not strong enough to handle your problems on you own. This type of thinking keep people from getting proper help when they may need it most.
I wish I could say that there are no stigma's associated with therapy, but the truth is, there are. People avoid getting help simply because they don’t understand what therapy entails. They believe the stigma's. I'm not trying to convince you that therapy can be useful in various ways, such as assisting you with making decisions, raising your children, bettering your marriage, choosing careers, and overall emotional health just to name a few, but I want you to understand that therapy is so much more than the negative connotations attached to it. As a therapist and a consumer of therapy services in my past, I encourage you to give it a try. You just may be surprise by the results that you'll get. What do you have to lose besides becoming a happier version of you.
I'm a licensed Clinical Social worker, license to work in the State of Pennsylvania. I have over 19 years experience working in the Mental Health Field as a Child Welfare Worker, Administrator, Consultant, Educator and Clinician. I'm dedicated and committed to the work I do which includes impacting and changing lives. In my spare time I like to write poetry, watch movies, and share my thoughts through blogging.